The Catalyst

I have been thinking about this post for a while. One could argue that it's been in the making for a year.

A few members of my Presbyterian family from Columbia, SC.

I am forever indebted to Trish (and Avery, not pictured).

This is right where I sat when my life changed forever.

And these are the people who helped me do it.

October has historically been a rough month for me. October 2011 was the start of my major downfall into depression, which led to me dropping out of USC. I spent most of the month in bed, lights off, not speaking to a soul but my boyfriend Eric, who spent most of his month spoon feeding me. A few months later, I finally "saw the light" as I got a job at Shandon Presbyterian Child Development Center. It was there that I learned and developed my passion for teaching, and it was there that I found Jesus. Shandon Presbyterian changed my life.

It is only fitting then, that one year after my downward spiral, I had already created a new life. A new me, a new purpose. I had moved back to Beaufort, determined to finish my degree. I was volunteering with YoungLife, and learning each day what it looked like (and how truly difficult it can be) to follow God's call in your life. In March of 2012, I had signed up for the fall mission trip to New Orleans with Shandon Presbyterian and Eastminster Presbyterian, both Columbia-based. When fall came, I decided that even though I was living in Beaufort, I should still go on this trip. I was all "yay, Jesus! Service is great!"So I drove to Columbia, stayed with a family from Shandon, and left the next morning for New Orleans. I was excited, but not as excited as I would have been if I'd known just how drastically this trip would change the course of my life.

I was the youngest person on the trip by 20 years. I knew no one. I was a little nervous, but never once doubted whether I should go. My drive down to NOLA was accompanied by two men, both easily 40 years my senior. I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought, "uhh, awkward" before we departed at 5 am. But it wasn't awkward. Within an hour, I had already gleaned so much wisdom from these two that I knew the trip would be fantastic. The experience and knowledge of people who are older and wiser was something I really needed at that point in my life.

I remember saying, "I have no idea what I want to do with my life" several times on that trip. This was frequently met with laughter at my green-ness, and jolly pats on the back that I would "figure it out." "Suuure," I thought, unaware of how deeply wrong I was. 

We spent Halloween week in NOLA, which of course was full of weirdness and awesomeness. I can't recall a time that I have had so much fun. We spent our week building two houses with RHINO (Rebuilding Hope in New Orleans). They work with Habitat to refurbish houses that were damaged in the hurricane(s). Yes, there are still damaged houses in New Orleans. We went to an area called Braithwaite where we did a demolition of a house, emptying it of everything. It had been filled with over 5 feet of water for weeks. Everything was ruined. The stench was overwhelming. But what was more overwhelming was stumbling across pictures, toothbrushes, socks…everything this man owned. And we were throwing it in the street. We spent a day taking this house down to the studs. It was hard work. But all it took was one day to throw away everything this man had accumulated in his entire life. It was a week of harsh realities for me.

On November 1st, we were digging underneath a staircase to make room for concrete, when my new friend Avery said "have you heard of the YAV program?" Being a newfound Christ follower and an even newer Presby, I hadn't. She told me that there was a YAV site there in New Orleans, but she knew there were more all over the country and even all over the world. I was instantly intrigued. A year of service? Sounds like the PERFECT thing to do after college! My friend Trish (a retired teacher) piped up and said that her cousin had been a YAV and she was happy to give me her contact information.

An hour later, Trish and I were painting the back porch of the house. It was peaceful for me. Just painting. My perfectionism was coming into play, and it was soothing to work so hard on someone else's home. I took the opportunity to ask Trish what she knew about the YAV program. She just gave me the basics, but I knew I was in. Later I found out that YAV's tagline is "a year of service for a lifetime of change." Right up my alley.

"But we were not put on this earth to serve ourselves and to always be happy at all costs. We were put here on this earth by God to serve one another, work hard, and teach others about the life-saving relationship of knowing Christ.  It is good to enjoy life, of course, but we can choose to, and find genuine enjoyment in living life the way God intended - productively, self-sacrificially, creatively." -Erika Shupe

I got home just a few days later and immediately talked to my pastor and his wife about the program. I read the website 1000 times over. I was just 2 months away from my trip to Africa, which I knew would also change my life forever. I was on a high. Yes, yes, yes! Sign me up for everything!

Two months later, Africa rocked my world. My friend Sara and I got back and talked about how it changed our view on EVERYTHING in life. It was challenging; theologically, physically, emotionally, intellectually, etc. It broke me on every level. But it also brought out a side of me that I loved. A more selfless Abby. A thoughtful, giving, servant-hearted Abby. A more faithful, happy, globally-aware Abby.

I got back on January 10th. On January 11th, I sent in my application for the YAV program. Kenya, Northern Ireland, and Peru. Obviously I was going to Kenya. That was where I belonged. That was where I left the "real Abby."

A week before the discernment event at which we chose our site placements, I got a phone call telling me the Kenya site placement had closed. I was crushed. Devastated isn't a strong enough word. I sobbed in the music room at Riverview during our after school program. I was asked to choose another site to interview with. My choices were South Korea and the Philippines. "Ugh, I guess the Philippines," I said, thinking nothing of it (and genuinely having to Google where on earth it was). 

Leaving the airport in Louisville, headed to discernment, a YAV alum, Thomas, told me approximately 30 seconds after meeting me that he knew I would be in the Philippines. I thought he had lost his mind. I was wrong. I met my site coordinators, Cobbie and Dessa, and fell in love. When I was in Africa, I felt the most at home in a tiny village called Bugabo. I knew this was the scenario I wanted. Someplace that felt like home. Someplace small, but full of love. Cobbie told me he could send me "up the mountain" to live the village life in a town called Mabinay. Less than 24 hours later, I was sobbing tears of joy with my newfound best friend Shelby over us both being placed in the Philippines.

Fast forward 9 months. I'm living in that little town. I was just away for a week and missed it with every bone in my body. I am here with 3 of the most amazing people I've ever met, ALL THREE of which did NOT initially apply to be in the Philippines either. 

I have been in the country for two months. I only have 9 more, and when I think about the fact that discernment was just 9 months ago, I know this time will fly by. It has been hard. It has been easy. It has been challenging. It has been fun. It has been an absolute emotional roller-coaster, but you know what I can honestly say? I am finding me a little more every day. And you know what else? My faith deepens every day too. 

When I think about the fact that just two years ago, I was a suicidal, depressed, anxiety-ridden, alcoholic party girl who had to be spoon fed in order to eat anything all day, I can't take credit. These kind of life changes don't just happen. I wouldn't be here without God. God put me at Shandon Presbyterian. God put me in New Orleans on November 1st, 2012. God put me in Uganda and Kenya last December. God put me in the Nile River to be baptized. God put me at a PCUSA church that would help me learn and thrive and question my faith every day. God put me in that music room, sobbing over the loss of Kenya. God put me on Thomas' van to discernment, laughing at his assertion that I would end up in the Philippines. God put each and every person in my life there for a reason. God put me right here. Right where I need to be, and right where He wants me. I am humbled, blessed, and challenged every day. 

One year after the catalyst that changed my life forever, all I have to say… is thank You, Jesus. Thank You for saving my life in more ways than one. Thank You for allowing me to be here serving You and still communicating with friends and family back in the States about how YOU broke me just to put me back together again. Thank You for this journey. I can't wait to see where it takes me.

I'm changed.