For those who keep up with me on social media (and in real life), you may know that I have a love-hate relationship with food. As someone who has struggled with disordered eating for much of her life, this has proven to be a continual problem for me in the Philippines. Not being in control of what I eat is incredibly difficult for me. Over the course of the year I lived in the Philippines, I gained around 30 pounds. The Philippine diet is mostly meat and starch-based, with white rice served with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. How Filipinos are still so petite and slim is beyond me.
Let it be stated that the problem isn't with the food in the Philippines. I love Filipino food! The problem is that I love it too much, and going from one extreme to another is really rough on the body & digestive system. Rachel pointed out this morning that we eat a very plant-based diet out in California. This was wonderful for me when I moved to the Bay Area in August- I was surrounded by healthy, whole, organic foods at every turn. Vegetables abound. I got into a happy and healthy routine that has been shaken up since finals, the holidays at home, and now this trip to the Philippines. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I don't have a scale with me here, so I can't quantify how much I've put on. I can only share that I am feeling mostly icky and bloated.
In lamenting this struggle (for the millionth time, I'm sure) to my mom last night, she reminded me that I won't be in the Philippines forever and to enjoy the foods that I love while I'm here. I know this to be true, it's just not that simple for me personally. I am very used to having my "safe foods" around and being able to go for a jog or a long walk at my leisure. Eating white rice 3x/ day and walking less than 10k steps per day (trust me, I'm counting) has been emotionally taxing for me.
This may sound small or petty to you, but as you likely know, I've made the intentional choice to "live out loud" and with full disclosure. If nothing else, perhaps this will make someone reading feel grateful for the choices of food at their fingertips. Perhaps someone who has also struggled with disordered reading can relate to situations in which our "safe foods" are not around or readily available. Recovery is a process, and I just wanted to share that today I'm feeling heavy- in more ways than one- with the food situation at the moment.
In other news, we just got to Davao safe and sound and will be here until Monday. It's nice and hot, but I am loving hearing people speak Bisaya. So far everyone is getting a big kick out of the fact that I speak a little too! One step closer to sweet sweet Dumaguete.
Until next time...
AK
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