Yolanda: How a Category 3 Typhoon Changed My Life

I love the rain. I always have. I think it stems from my inner Meredith Grey, embracing all things dark and twisty. I love watching the rain, dancing in the rain, running in the rain (in fact, the ONLY time I love running is in the rain), playing soccer in the rain, kissing in the rain… the list goes on. I think it's safe to say that my favorite thing in Mabinay is to sit on Mama Violy's front porch with a cup of coffee and a book to watch the rain beat down on my beloved coconut trees and the goat that lives across the street. Before anyone cries "animal cruelty," I can assure you said goat loves the rain just as much as I do. The chickens, though…not so much.

As I began to get wind of the typhoon (see what I did there??) I blew it off (oops, I did it again!) pretty quickly. First of all, I live in the land of hurricanes back home in the States, and the weather channel usually makes us believe the world is ending when really it just rains a bit. Second, we had an earthquake here a few weeks ago and all my Filipino friends thought I'd lost my mind because I said it was "fun," which, by the way, it WAS!

I didn't expect anything different from "Super Typhoon Yolanda." Some wind, some rain, etc. To be fair, on the surface, that IS all that happened. But for me, Yolanda was a spiritual experience.

As you may know, I suffer from anxiety in a pretty big way. If you were to tell me right now that my closet door at 20 Pickens was left open, I would FREAK out. My OCD controls me. My worry controls me. I cry and hyperventilate on airplanes if I am not heavily medicated. One would imagine that telling me a natural disaster was headed my way would send me spiralling towards the fringe of lunacy (if you get that reference, let's be BFFs). But it didn't.

I spent the early morning thinking about what I'd want the world to know if today were my last. I spent the rest of the morning holding my perfect goddaughter Neka. At lunch, I served over 100 visitors who are at our church for a Home and Family Life seminar. (Side note: I find it important to mention that my mama pointed out many of our visitors live in places that were hit much harder than we were- it is good that they are here.) After lunch, the rain and the wind began to pick up. 1 pm. Just like they said. My coworkers and best friends, Mohrald and Gharlyn (Neka's mama) headed home to be with their families during the storm. I said prayers for each of them as they left, and then headed to the kitchen to be with MY family.

The rain thickened. The wind picked up. I hadn't heard from Gharlyn that she'd gotten home safely. I began to pray. I talked to God. I told Him I knew He would bring us through this storm. I asked Him to protect us here in Mabinay and all over the Philippines. I prayed for individual people. I prayed for my parents to be calm and not worry. I probably prayed for around 20 minutes. The rain had not ceased. Gharlyn had not texted me back. I got my iPod out and turned on my "worship" playlist, which is over 24 hours full of praise music. It's epic and has gotten me through a lot. I went to sit by the door to watch the storm. I remembered a friend telling me that the Bible says some form of "do not be afraid" over 365 times. This is a myth, it's more like 120, but that doesn't take away from the fact that God used His words to reassure His children to not be afraid. I sat in the doorway with my music blaring in my headphones. I was singing just as loudly. The work in the kitchen had not stopped. People moved all around me, working, cooking, cleaning, and being utterly appalled that I had no shoes on. I hate shoes. I was unphased. I felt a little like Zach Braff in Garden State. I was alone in a room full of people.

But I wasn't alone. I was with God. I was with the Creator of the Universe, learning EXACTLY what it looks like to praise Him in the storm. I was with the maker of the sunsets I so deeply love. I was with the maker of the many oceans I crossed to be in this place. I was with the maker of my precious Neka, who fills my heart to burst every time I hold her. I was with the God who saved my life when I filled my body with toxic mixtures of drugs and alcohol; hoping I wouldn't wake up the next day. I was with the God who never let the razors, scissors, and knives I mutilated my wrists and arms with go deep enough to cause me more harm than my scars. I was with the God who placed people perfectly in my life like clockwork- some to build me up, some to tear me down, but all to teach me important lessons. I wasn't alone. I am never alone.

The storm passed. Gharlyn texted me that yes, she had made it home safely, "with GOD'S guidance." Amen, sista. Mabinay is fine. My friends are fine. I was not afraid. This anxious worrywart did not fear- not for a moment. I knew God would bring me through the storm, and bring me through it, He did. Just like He brought me through the first stormy 21 years of my life. Maybe that's why I like the rain. Maybe it has been my connection to God since before I acknowledged His existence.

I listened to worship music for over an hour this afternoon, watching my big God sway trees, flood the ground, darken the sky…and then stop it all. But the song that is stuck in my head now after a few hours is quite fitting: What Faith Can Do. Check out the lyrics- they're not even too Jesus-y, but they express my afternoon pretty darn well.

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Our gods may be different. You may call yours Allah, Yahweh, El-Shaddai, human goodness, humanity, benevolence, love, peace, etc. But after 21 years of believing in nothing, 2 years of believing in Jesus, and one afternoon of a helluva typhoon… I can no longer deny the existence of a higher power on earth. And THAT'S what faith can do.