1/6/13
9:35 am
Mornings here are so full of love. There is a worship service every morning at 7 and every evening at 7. The children sing a few songs and then one of the older children shares. This morning and last night, we sang Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing and it has been stuck in my head since then. Duncan shared with us that we should not only be thankful when we are blessed, but especially when we are lacking. In the Beatitudes (Matthew 5), God shows his blessings of the poor in spirit, the meek, the peacemakers, those who mourn, etcetera. These blessings are conditional upon circumstances. God's blessings are conditional, but His love is not. I finished reading Luke this morning and when Jesus was about to be crucified and women were weeping, He said "For if people do these things when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?" Smacked me in the face this morning! Be thankful all the time.
"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it." Malachi 3:10
Duncan gave us an analogy about giving Jesus "a room in our house." He said that we should not only allot one room in our house (heart) for Jesus but allow him to reign everywhere in our lives. "There is peace in your heart when you come to know God's love." Duncan is a teenager, by the way. It is just so much different than America. These children are so FED by God's word, way more than I could ever be. Two worship services a day, and an hour and a half of Bible study daily. These children-these orphans- are so gracious and humble and happy and wise and loving and generous. I could go on for days. They have no media in their lives, and while their pasts are for the most part tragic, they are making new happy memories here. Pastor Benson has created such a wonderful safe haven for them. He has recaptured their innocence and it's beautiful.
I've already had some great conversations with team members this morning. Brian and I chatted this morning about studying communications and how it is applicable in so many different facets of life. He said that our talents are like ingredients in a cake- alone they are just flour and eggs, but together they are amazing! I've been talking to Bethany while we have been sitting here writing, and she is so amazing. We are so blown away by the love these children have, and feel like we are so self-consumed and distracted back home. She shared with me that her mom is waiting to hear if a biopsy is cancerous or not. Wow. I can't believe she has been so strong this whole time! Our team is working through God's provision alone. Yesterday we ministered on no sleep in over 48 hours, and no one complained. We hiked miles, drove for over half a day, got super sunburnt, took freezing showers, slept with bugs, and no one complained. God is working through us and our prayers are being answered. I am so thankful.
Catherine just came up here and brought me a sweet note, so I am going to go play with her. I love this place... AK
My favorite writing spot. Oh I miss it so much.
1/6/13
10:05 pm
Wow, today was rough. I think all the emotions and exhaustion from last week hit me this afternoon. We did VBS with the kids this morning. Singing and worshipping with them is always a really great experience. We broke up into groups and did a craft cutting out paper chain people. The kids really enjoyed it and my hands still hurt from cutting! When we were cleaning up, nausea hit me pretty hard and fast. I went upstairs to lay down and almost immediately got my crazy pants on.
I was processing the immense need in Africa and all over the world and was trying to figure out how to implement the things I've learned once I'm home. I have no idea where to even start. I have no idea what my life will look like in six months. Little miss control freak Abigail CAN'T HANDLE THAT! I was laying in my bed, thoughts racing, and realized I needed to process aloud. I immediately wished either Michael, Anton, or Ernest would just pop in my room and soothe my troubled soul. They didn't, unfortunately, so I went outside looking for anyone to talk to. Ironically, Michael, Ernest, and Anton were literally all sitting in a row on the upstairs balcony.
I vented a little about my re-entry anxieties, and just as I was realizing that those weren't my only worries, all 3 of them got up to go play with kids. I sat on the balcony for a long while and was processing everything. I realized that my "idea" to quit drinking was on a total Jesus high and it's actually going to be really f-ing hard for me. Anton was playing soccer right out front and for a long time I could tell he kept looking back up to check on me. He finally came up and sat by me and we had such an amazing conversation. I wish I could have just recorded it. He basically told me that my baptism was a commitment to God and I can't back out now. He put a fake bottle in front of me and said "right now- there's a beer. Do you drink it?" I didn't even hesitate and I said yup. I told him I constantly struggle with knowing what I SHOULD do and what I WANT to do. Since I am such a black and white person, I find it hard to have faith in something that isn't tangible. So I can't really see the reward in giving up things that are "fun" to me for something so...abstract. I have faith in God. He brought me to Africa. He brought me to these people. He brought me to this double bed with Sara Crawford laughing and crying about our days. So why can't I have faith that He will give me the strength to do this?
I wish I remembered every word Anton said to me, but the things that stuck out to me the most were him telling me to have faith, and that who I am behind closed doors is what really matters to God. That one was really a punch to the gut. I can go to church and wear a cross and say I love Jesus all day long, but if when I get home I still have a beer and text guys that most likely just want to sleep with me, everything else is just FAKE. It's harsh, but it really is what I needed to hear. It scares me to death that the Lord knows my innermost thoughts, but it scares me even more to consider how much worse my thoughts could be if I don't make a change, and soon.
Earlier today Merrill gave me a small yellow piece of paper that says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge the God and God will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6. She was telling me to let go of the control I'm so used to, and trust God to do His will with my life. During my sob sesh with Anton, he was encouraging me to let go of the "comforts" of my old lifestyle and give it all to God. He quoted the same verse, and as he said it, I handed him that piece of paper. He said "see? God is talking to you through Merrill and me. Time to listen."
We probably talked for 45 minutes or an hour, and when we were finishing up our convo, Ernest came up to check on me. Anton gave me a big hug and said "I love you, Abby Kraft," and then turned to Ernest and said "good luck." Hahaha! Clearly I was rocking the crazy pants hard. Ernest sat down and shared with me that our stories are very similar. He was an alcoholic for 7 years and slept around just for fun. An extreme version of my story, but my story nonetheless. He just kept telling me that he knows it's hard to change but it's completely worth it. He said his life his so much more fulfilling now that he makes memories instead of drinking them away. He is definitely one of my favorite people on the trip. I'm thankful he's here.
By that time, Linda had popped into the therapy office (but seriously though) and told me part of her story. She said she was always the girl that had "a backup guy" around just in case. Glad to know I'm not the only insecure psycho on the block. She also shared with me a lot of her current personal issues. I guess we all get so caught up in our own issues that we rarely consider that others have serious (often more serious) problems too. It was a much needed reminder.
Carla came to join the party, and as always, was incredibly encouraging. She and Ernest both said "call me if you need me, I'll be there." It was nice to have that reassurance because many of the people in my life do not struggle with the same spiritual/personal issues. Merrill came up and suggested that we spend some time with the kids before dinner, so Ernest said an AWESOME prayer for me and we all headed down to the field. We sat and made bracelets with bunches of little girls, and I cheered right up. Those kids have healing hugs, I swear! They're magical. Baby Catherine and I made a couple bracelets, played on the swings, and had some quality monkey bar time before it started to rain. We all headed back to the compound to have dinner and worship. I gave Catherine and Teresah some pictures from home, and their smiles were so wonderful. It really is going to be so hard to leave Africa.
After worship, Pastor Benson met with us to tell us a little bit more about Fiwagoh. He and his 2 brothers were orphaned at a young age and had to beg for food and a place to stay. When he was 9, he met a man who fed him and gave leftovers to his brothers. While he was at this man's home, the man taught him about the Bible. Eventually the man asked him to move in and paid for his school fees. When he was 15, Pastor Benson promised God that he would care for at least one orphan. He prayed and waited many years for a wife and a ministry. He was going door to door evangelizing when he met his wife Florence. She "passed all his tests" and after several months of her praying about it, she accepted his offer. They both came from very poor families, so they had to start from the bottom up. After they wed in 1996, they waited many years to buy a house. The first thing they could afford was renting a 2 bedroom house. Within 6 months, 12 orphans lived with them. At one point, 54 children lived in a five room home (including kitchen, etc.). But they prayed, and the Lord provided. They now own 24 acres of GORGEOUS lakeside property in Kenya. It houses 207 orphans, 7 gardens, a school, and a church. Soon it will have a trade school as well. The model here is so self-sustaining and amazing. When Pastor Benson finished his story, Anton looked at me and said "and THAT is why you have faith." So true. Wow, what a day. God is good... AK
VBS that morning. Look at that smile!
The view from the "therapist's office"... so grateful.
Baby Catherine playing on the swings. Check out that playground!
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